Well,

F U C K.

Dear someone,

sometimes I have those melancholic moments when I catch myself thinking about the past. Being a young student I should be concentrated on my future plans and studies and yet I still manage to lure myself into thoughts of what has already happened. 

I often question myself how the past has changed me. Am I a better person the way I am now? I remember being a child: everything looked so uncomplicated, a simple smile was enough to make a complete stranger your new best friend. Unsurprisingly, a lot has changed since then. Growing up and meeting new people was always a personal challenge that I had set up for myself to see if people would like me not for the way I am but for the way they wanted me to be. I was constantly kind, generous and thoughtful to everyone around me and hoped to get the same in return. The fact that many of them never treated me back struck me the most. Immediately I began thinking there was something wrong with me and completely got lost in search of my own personality. Trying to gain love from others, I forgot the importance of loving oneself.

I soon noticed that people have a tendency to satisfy their own personal needs. The world became cruel as I embraced this thought because I could see the look in people’s eyes when they wanted something from me. I started to notice their fake over-confident behavior that was supposed to make others like them. The sad thing is, that people eventually get lost and cannot figure out who to trust anymore.

Yet here I am - a student having thoughts of something completely not important. But now I'm sure that I'm a better person than I was before - careful, distrustful and open-hearted to those who are really worth it. I guess these are the qualities I need to be able to survive.

©2013 *Rona-Keller